Welcome To Happily Ever Human. Glad You're Here.

So we finally meet. I say finally because this space to share, muse and ponder all the random thoughts and deep conundrums that cross my mind has been such a long time coming. Anyone else live day and night with a small little voice whispering to you, buried oh so deep in your sternum, somewhere between your heart and last night's Pad Thai? Yeah....me too.

My name is Gisella. I'm no one special and yet a spectacular middle aged female human specimen all at the same time. I'm a wife, a mom, a friend, daughter and sister. I'm a boss and peer, a leader and cheerleader, and frustrated artist and chef. Some days I revel in being the best little boy's mom I can be, yoga pants be damned. Other days I desperately miss the me that wore leather pants and could still breathe when I sat down. When the thought of putting on jeans didn't make me sigh just thinking about getting them on. And by that I'm referring to the real kind, not the cheater stretchy jeans we all pretend "are just as cool."

Why am I blogging you ask? Well, I gaze at the love in my husband's eyes for our son and me and wonder how I got so lucky to be partnered with this beautiful man. Doesn't he see the spoonfuls of ice cream I sneak when I come downstairs to get a glass of water? How is he not as horrified as I am at the random grays showing up in my eyebrows? And yet, I also at times glimpse in the mirror and see the most fierce, bold, outspoken, love-driven, generous and funny person I know. Loud at times, emotional, and full of passion for what's right...and yet willing to cut into the carpool lane on the freeway onramp because, well, that Costco chicken in my back seat has GOT to count as a small child, right?

So I suppose I feel like it's the space in between those versions of me that I'm constantly exploring. The space between the self-confident bold kick-ass woman I see in my minds eye and the humbled, sometimes insecure and always (dammit ALWAYS these days) tired girl that looks back at me in the rear view mirror as I drive my kiddo to school. I know there are so many of us having these conversations, either out loud, with our friends and spouses, or just with "me myself and I" as to which of these two is real. Could it be it's some third version, with parts of both these extremes as well as a whole other set of deep seeded secrets and talents as yet to be discovered?

Happiness seems elusive. Not because it's not present, but more because of its tenuous and fickle nature depending on the day, the hour, the caffeine or estrogen level of the day. Perhaps that's the human part of seeking happiness. Welcome to Happily Ever Human. See you soon.